Cultivating Muslim Women

"And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between you. Surely in that are Signs for those who reflect” (TMQ 30:21).

With the recent flurry of flowers, cards and/or candies to commemorate 'Mother’s Day' in May and 'Father’s Day' in June, western societies attempt to recognize the important roles of parents in families. Unfortunately, these secular celebrations actually insult the sacred contributions of both mothers and fathers to the foundations of families in particular and society as a whole. Rather than being a source of annual commerce and a “one day” commemoration, a sincere, spiritual, and caring mother and father are a daily treasure that should be treated as such. The focus of this article is on our mothers and daughters, and a follow-up article on fathers will be included in a future issue, inshallah.

The blessing and bounty of Allah (swt) to have Muslim daughters and sons begins with the foundation of a faithful Muslim marriage where mates who are created “from among yourselves” seek spiritual strength, peace, and companionship from each other. Allah (swt) placed this “love” and “mercy” between males and females such that two different people with different personalities and different experiences, from different parents and different families, and different environments and even different countries or continents are intimately attached in marriage for days, decades, and even entire lifetimes! In applying as well as reciting and reflecting on the above ayah, we must celebrate our partners and products in Islamic marriages: Muslim wives and daughters.

First, we want to celebrate our Muslim wives, and we thank Allah (swt) for them. We brothers have been informed by Allah (swt) and His Messenger (saw) about the blessing and bounty of a believing Muslim wife. For example, ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr (ra) narrated The Prophet (saw) said:

“The whole world is a provision, and the best wares of the world is the pious woman” (Muslim).

We brothers know a sincere sister is a great blessing because she can make your household a beautiful place for ourselves and our families, and they should be respected and celebrated for this task.

Even when we get angry or disagree with our sisters, we must reconcile with them by realizing the ongoing “good” from our wives will always outweigh the temporary “bad.” Abu Hurayrah (raa) narrated The Prophet (saw) said:

“A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another” (Muslim).

The people who “reflect” as Allah (swt) ordered will recognize these mates and marriages are among of the Signs of Allah (swt), and we thank Him (swt) for this beauty and blessing of marriage.

We Muslims rejoice when our marriages result in the birth of beautiful Muslim boys and girls, and we want to especially celebrate the births of our beautiful Muslim daughters who are also the wives, mothers, grand-mothers, aunts, and cousins that strengthen and enrich our Muslim Ummah. We thank Allah (swt) that our wives are brave enough to endure the struggles of pregnancy and delivery that is a sacred trust of mothers as revealed by Allah (swt):

“And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents. His mother beareth him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Give thanks unto Me and unto thy parents. Unto Me is the journeying” (TMQ 31:14).

Anyone who has been in a delivery room can personally bear witness to the struggles, strains, and pains of childbirth – even with the medical technology and painkillers.

The respect and appreciation for pregnancy and childbirth also extends through every single day of our life – not merely a commercialized “Mother’s Day.” In a famous hadith, when The Prophet (saw) was asked by a man.

“Who among all people should I be kind to the most,” The Prophet (saw) said “Your mother.” The man asked again “then who?” and he (saw) repeated a second time “Your mother.” The man asked again “then who?” and he (saw) repeated a third time “Your mother.” The man said “then who?” and he (saw) said “Your father” (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawud, Ibn Hanbal).

We also celebrate our beautiful baby girls as they grow into strong Muslim daughters. Muslims were pioneers in our history in eliminating the cultural degradation of women such that people viewed the birth of a daughter as a “burden” who was worthless and was often buried in the dirt or killed which still continues in some countries today. In addition, vulnerable girls (especially in families fighting poverty) are being bought and sold, married for money or labor, forced into prostitution, or neglected in substandard day care centers because these girls are incorrectly considered a “burden” to raise.

The Prophet (saw) celebrated both the birth and upbringing of his daughters. The Prophet (saw) celebrated the births of all his daughters, and that was a unique and revolutionary act in pre-Islamic Arabia and most parts of the world. Allah (swt) warned humanity about the ignorance regarding births of baby girls before the advent of Islam:

“When if one of them receiveth tidings of the birth of a female, his face remaineth darkened, and he is wroth inwardly. He hideth himself from the folk because of the evil of that whereof he hath bad tidings, (asking himself): Shall he keep it in contempt, or bury it beneath the dust. Verily evil is their judgment” (TMQ 16:58-59).  Allah (swt) also said He (swt) will allow the justice of mistreated and murdered girls being allowed to hold their murderers accountable on the Day of Judgment:

“When the female (infant) buried alive is questioned. For what crime she was killed?” (TMQ 81:8-9).

Consequently, the Prophet (saw) broke all these ignorant superstitions and traditions by being happy to have his daughters who all joined him in living, learning, and working for Islam. Thus, we Muslim men must also make special “quality” time to spend with our daughters so we’re respected as wage earners without being feared as disciplinarians or resented as absentee fathers.

The birth of a beautiful daughter is merely the beginning of a journey because as parents, grandparents, siblings, relatives in the family as well as other Muslim brothers and sisters in general must work together to raise strong Muslim sisters in the complexity and perils of today’s society. Needless to say – our children need more than quick “after-work check-ins” at the end of the day, and they are much more than “weekend hobbies” who see us a few hours on Saturdays and Sundays … they are sacred trusts.

We should be kind and compassionate parents who use both fondness, firmness, and forgiveness with our children to celebrate their successes and correct their mistakes. Although we’re responsible to Allah (swt) individually as parents, all Muslims are responsible to Him (swt) for protecting and respecting our Muslim youth.

Inshallaah, we pray that we all have families as mothers, fathers, children, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and relatives who are all sources of spiritual strength that bring us the best of both this life and the Hereafter, Insha-Allah. (Ends/)
 
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